Living with a Personality Disorder – challenges, support strategies, and resources
Personality disorders are often misunderstood. With the right support, many people learn new ways to manage emotions, build relationships and move towards recovery.
Emotions can be messy.
Most of us have moments when our emotions feel bigger than we expected. When relationships feel complicated, we react more strongly than we meant to, or we find ourselves wondering why things feel harder than they seem for other people.
For some people, these experiences aren’t just occasional moments. They can be part of everyday life.
Emotions may feel intense and overwhelming. Relationships may feel fragile or unpredictable, and it can be difficult to find a sense of self.
Living with these kinds of experiences can lead to feeling misunderstood, judged, or unsure of your place in the world.
For some people, these patterns are part of living with a personality disorder.
Personality disorders are complex mental health conditions that affect how someone experiences emotions, relates to others and understands themselves. They are not a character flaw, and they do not define who someone is.
For some people, these patterns may be shaped by life experiences, including stress, trauma, or environments where emotions were not always understood or supported.
With understanding, support and the right strategies, many people living with a personality disorder learn new ways to navigate emotions, build relationships, and move towards recovery.
What is a Personality Disorder?
A personality disorder is a mental health condition where long-standing patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaviour, often linked to certain personality traits, can make everyday life more challenging.
These patterns may influence how someone:
- Thinks about themselves
- Experiences emotions
- Relates to other people
- Responds to stress
When these patterns cause ongoing distress or difficulties in relationships, work, or daily life, they may be described as a personality disorder.
Common experiences can include:
- Difficulty regulating emotions
- Challenges in relationships
- Strong emotional reactions to stress
The exact causes of personality disorders are not fully understood. They are thought to develop through a combination of biological factors, life experiences, and social or environmental influences.
For many people, these patterns often begin to emerge during the teenage years or early adulthood, although they may not be recognised until later.
What Living with a Personality Disorder Can Feel Like
It’s estimated that around 6.5% of Australians may be living with a personality disorder. People living with a personality disorder often describe feeling emotions very deeply.
Feelings such as sadness, anger, fear, or emotional pain can feel overwhelming. Emotions may shift quickly, and it can be difficult to calm down once distress has been triggered.
Relationships can also feel fragile or unpredictable. Some people experience:
- Fear of rejection or abandonment
- Difficulty trusting others
- Becoming intensely attached to people
- Pushing others away when feeling hurt or overwhelmed
Many people also struggle with a sense of identity. They may feel uncertain about who they are, their goals, or what they value. Some describe feeling empty, disconnected, or unsure of where they fit.
During times of stress, people may react strongly or make impulsive decisions while trying to cope with intense emotions. Others may withdraw socially or turn to coping strategies that aren’t helpful in the long term.
These experiences can sometimes lead to feelings of shame or self-criticism. When people feel misunderstood or judged, it can make reaching out for support feel even harder, which is why understanding and support are so important.
You Are More Than a Diagnosis
Living with a personality disorder can be challenging, but it doesn’t define who you are or your future.
With understanding, the right support, and practical strategies, many people learn new ways to manage emotions, strengthen relationships, and build lives that feel more manageable and meaningful.
If you or someone you care about is experiencing challenges, support is available. You don’t have to navigate it alone.
Personality Disorder Types
There are several different types of personality disorders, each with its own characteristics and grouped into three clusters. Each cluster groups personality disorders based on shared personality traits and patterns of behaviour.
Cluster A personality disorders (odd or eccentric patterns)
- Paranoid personality disorder
- Schizoid personality disorder
- Schizotypal personality disorder
These often involve social withdrawal, distrust, or unusual thinking patterns.
Cluster B personality disorders (dramatic or impulsive patterns)
- Borderline personality disorder
- Antisocial personality disorder
- Narcissistic personality disorder
- Histrionic personality disorder
Cluster B personality disorders involve dramatic emotional responses, impulsive behaviour, and unstable relationships.
Cluster C personality disorders (anxious or fearful patterns)
- Avoidant personality disorder
- Dependent personality disorder
- Obsessive compulsive personality disorder
Cluster C personality disorders are often linked to anxiety, low self esteem, and fear in close relationships.
Support Strategies
Many people find that the right combination of therapy, practical strategies and supportive relationships can make a meaningful difference.
Psychological Therapies
Several evidence-based therapies can support people to better understand themselves, reduce the intensity of their emotions, and develop skills to manage their emotions and relationships.
These include:
- Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) – focuses on emotion regulation, distress tolerance, interpersonal skills and mindfulness.
- Mentalisation-Based Therapy (MBT) – helps people understand their own thoughts and emotions, as well as those of others.
- Schema Therapy – explores long-standing patterns formed earlier in life and helps develop healthier coping strategies.
- Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) – supports people to recognise and change patterns in thinking and behaviour.
Everyday Supports
Alongside therapy, everyday supports can make a meaningful difference.
Helpful strategies may include:
- Building supportive relationships
- Learning to identify emotional triggers and developing emotional regulation tools
- Creating structure and routine in their daily lives
- Maintaining regular sleep patterns
- Practising self-compassion
- Engaging in counselling or peer support
Many people find it helpful to develop a support network that may include trusted friends, family members, therapists, peer groups, or community services.
Support for Families and Loved Ones
Support is important not only for individuals, but also for the people around them.
Families and loved ones can benefit from learning more about personality disorders, understanding emotional triggers, and maintaining healthy boundaries.
Seeking support for yourself through counselling, education programs, or support groups can also be helpful.
When to Seek Support
If you or someone you know is experiencing the following, reach out for support:
- Ongoing emotional distress
- Persistent relationship challenges
- Impulsive or harmful coping behaviours
- Difficulty managing everyday life
A GP, psychologist, or mental health service can help you explore options and find the right kind of help.
Support Services and Resources
If you or someone you care about is experiencing these challenges, support is available.
At Holyoake, we offer free counselling and support for individuals, families and young people across Western Australia. Our services are confidential and focused on helping people navigate challenges and strengthen their wellbeing. You can start, pause and return whenever you’re ready. No judgement and no referral required. If you’re unsure what support might suit you, get in touch.
Other helpful resources include:
Personality disorder resources
- Project Air Strategy for Personality disorders
- Spectrum Personality Disorder Service
- Australian BPD Foundation
Crisis support (24/7 support)
- Lifeline – Call 13 11 14, use online chat, or text 0477 13 11 14
- 13YARN – Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander Crisis Support, call 13 92 76
- Suicide Call Back Service – 1300 659 467
- Emergency – 000
These services are available across WA, including regional and remote areas.
Challenging Common Myths
Personality disorders are among the most misunderstood mental health conditions, and stigma can make life even harder for people experiencing them.
Understanding the reality behind personality disorders can help challenge some common myths, promote awareness and acceptance.
Myth: Personality disorders are untreatable.
Reality: With the right support and strategies, many people learn new ways to manage emotions, build healthier relationships, and improve their wellbeing over time.
Myth: People with personality disorders are manipulative.
Reality: Behaviours that may be interpreted this way are often attempts to cope with overwhelming emotions or fear of abandonment.
Myth: People choose their behaviour.
Reality: Personality disorders can develop through a combination of emotional sensitivity, life experiences, trauma and environment.
Myth: A diagnosis defines a person.
Reality: People are far more than a diagnosis and can build meaningful lives, relationships and stability. Reducing stigma and increasing understanding can make it easier for people to seek the support they need.
Frequently Asked Questions
There are three main clusters: Cluster A (odd or eccentric), Cluster B (dramatic or impulsive), and Cluster C (anxious or fearful), each with different personality disorder types.
Common symptoms include mood swings, impulsive behaviour, unstable relationships, low self esteem, and difficulty with emotional regulation.
Personality disorders are diagnosed by a mental health professional using criteria from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual.
While therapies can help treat personality disorders, the focus is often on building practical skills, improving emotional regulation, and strengthening relationships over time. Many people find that ongoing support from a mental health professional makes a meaningful difference.
Borderline personality disorder involves intense emotions, mood swings, fear of abandonment, and unstable relationships. It often includes difficulty with emotional regulation and impulsive behaviour.
Antisocial personality disorder involves impulsive behaviour, disregard for rules, and difficulty with empathy. It can impact social and interpersonal relationships.
Narcissistic personality disorder includes a need for admiration, low empathy, and challenges in close relationships, often linked to underlying low self esteem.
Avoidant personality disorder involves fear of rejection, low self confidence, and avoidance of social relationships despite wanting connection.
Dependent personality disorder is marked by reliance on others, difficulty making decisions alone, and fear of being independent.
Obsessive compulsive personality disorder involves perfectionism, control, and rigid thinking. It is different from obsessive compulsive disorder.
Paranoid personality disorder involves ongoing distrust of others and difficulty forming trusting relationships.
Schizoid personality disorder involves a preference for solitude and limited interest in close relationships.
Schizotypal personality disorder includes unusual thinking, social anxiety, and difficulty forming close relationships.
Histrionic personality disorder involves strong emotional expression and a need for attention.
Yes. People can have traits from multiple personality disorder types, which is why assessment by a mental health professional is important.
Yes. Treatment or support is tailored to the individual, but often includes talk therapy such as dialectical behaviour therapy or psychodynamic psychotherapy.
If symptoms are causing distress, affecting relationships, or impacting daily life, it’s important to seek support.
If you or someone you care about is living with a personality disorder, you don’t have to face it alone.
Reach out to Holyoake today for free, confidential support. Whenever you’re ready.
